lately i seem to refuse to sleep. i want to blame it on tumblr, cz the time m supposed to be sleeping m on tumblr, but the truth is, i just cant seem to want to sleep. when i tell my colleague this, they say maybe i shud cut down my time in front of the computer, they say the glare and the wave from the pc can disturb sleep, but deep down i know, i dont want to sleep...because i dont want to wake up. not that not sleeping would make it any different, because m already up, but at least, i dont get that feeling that i hv to stop sleeping. because when i finally sleep it feels too tiring to wake up.
does that even make sense? whatever.
the latest american idol, season 9 (i think) is on tv, they're now on hollywood week. i really like hollywood week. during this week the cut all the background story, at least they dont show as much, and all there are are the singing. it's on the big stage, so u can see who can handle the pressure that comes with it, but it's still intimate, because there's no audience yet. there's only you, and other ppl who hv the same dreams as you do, hoping they can do good, trying to dispel the insecurities of wondering whether you're any good in the first place.
it's so easy when you're not out there in the big world yet. when all you need to do is strive the hardest. not to impress, not to compete. you just do it, to prove to yourself, that YOU CAN do it. but i guess when ppl see that you can do it, it's a different ball game. then come expectations, then come the need to match that expectation, then comes the need to be better than THAT.
things were so simple back then.
with that i say my parting words, with this song that's stuck in my head,
"RAH≤ AH≥ + RO (MA + MAMA) + GA≤ + OOH(LA)≤".
it feels like everything is a bad romance now.
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